Make It Happen For Women: The Diary of a Job Searching Woman: Nov 30: There is going to be a lay-off!
Make It Happen For Women: The Diary of a Job Searching Woman: Nov 30: There is going to be a lay-off in Dec!
I’ve seen this coming, but put my head in the sand. How could I do that when I’m a single working mom? How stupid could I be? As soon as he started speaking, I felt this big lump in my throat and the panic came so fast I thought I was going to fall off the chair. I couldn’t even hear what was being said by my boss. All I kept thinking was, what if it’s me? I don’t have enough in savings! What am I going to do? What about my kids? What about my mortgage? Will I lose my home? Will I be able to feed my kids?
I found myself re-grouping quickly and tried to focus on the conversation. I asked my boss if my job would be affected in the lay off. He said “no” and that he needed me. I heaved a sigh of relief. But what about my people? He asked me to put together a report on each person in my department and to have it to him by Tuesday of this week. Together, we will decide who gets laid off. He said he wasn’t able to give me a definite number of how many were going to be laid off.
I’m trying to be calm. What if he is lying to me and I’m really going to be laid off? No, he wouldn’t do that to me. We’ve always had a good relationship built on mutual respect. But, could he be trying to save his own job? I’ve been loyal and dedicated, launched new programs and projects that have made the company money. Everyone likes me. Hey who cares about that in this economy? Wonder if they will.
I barely made it through the day. I tried to put on my game face. If I am laid off, what will that do to my career with a gap on my resume? How long will I be unemployed? I’ve only had 1 interview so far and I’ve been looking for a couple of months. It’s a terrible economy. Other friends have already been laid off or their companies have shut down for good.
I climbed into the tub and just had a good cry. I mean I really let loose and let everything out. I thought I worked through the fear, but surprise… it’s back!
I’m going to hit this straight on and not let my guard down. I’m not prepared to be without work for months and months. I have to shake this fear. I have to be positive.
